to be confident in uncertainty

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to

It may not be the way
I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

This is a song that I attempted *cough* to learn on guitar today. It's hard not to focus on all the uncertainty that is life. I don't know where God wants me this summer or next year, but He is teaching me to trust Him to put me there and have some patience. I'm generally somewhat obsessed with planning out every detail, so it really frightens me that within one year I will be getting ready to graduate, God willing. But fortunately for me, He has yet to give up on me. I don't think I ever realized how much I lacked patience until life began requiring more of it. I am thankful, though; it's given me cause to learn to trust God so much more than I have probably ever had to before. It was easy to say I had faith in God when most of my life was already figured out for me...now that it takes effort and requires ownership, my relationship with Christ is more important to me than ever. It's not easy. Yet it's also true that He never makes me go alone.

God's time...to landscape or give life?

This morning I went to Rainier Beach on a Latreia service project (no, I don't know what that word is supposed to mean) with a group of people from SPU. To my surprise, Rainier Beach is not just a beach, but more of a neighborhood. We ended up doing landscaping type work around a park and public pathway. Saar's marketplace was kind enough to play music loudly in their parking lot a few feet away--the same little hypnotic tune, over and over. I tried to have fun, but it was cold and really hard work so it's all good because I was doing it to praise God anyway. And while I knew that the work wasn't wasted and would make a lot of people happy, I found myself wishing I could have been doing something with my time to really help people. It's great for asthetic appeal, but there are people dying in Uganda every 15 seconds just because they can't get enough water! And every time I notice our faucet dripping or someone dumping out their water bottle, my heart sinks.

Last Sunday at Bethany Community Church I learned about Spilling Hope, an organization that sponsers wells in Uganda, from awareness to fundraising to the actual construction. And Uganda isn't the only place the wells are desperately needed (check out Living Water). I was so overwhelmed after seeing their display, the pictures, finally glimpsing what these people have to face every day. A boy with a grin carrying potentially 40 pounds of water on his head. Children gathering water from a mud puddle you couldn't see anything through. And a mother's dilemma...to give her children water that will make them sick, or for them to go thirsty? how could anyone even make a choice like that?! I want nothing more than to be in Uganda with them right this second, and I mean that. I have never wanted to live overseas, but in the last month alone God has changed my heart more than I could ever have expected. And I actually find it hard to be patiently waiting for the chance to do something more. But in the meantime, I know that everything I have is God's and nothing I do for Him is wasted, even if it appears to be of little consequence.