shadows now, brighter days to come.

I think it's a little weird sometimes how God chooses to draw us closer to Himself. Recently I heard from a friend who I had not been at peace with for about 8 months, and suddenly I find myself trying to patch up not only a friendship but some of the mistakes I've made as well. I want to desperately, don't get me wrong, but it drudges up many feelings of pain and confusion that I wasn't prepared to face again. I don't think God wants pain for His children, but I think He knows that often it's unavoidable in getting us where He wants us. I also know that He will take joy in reconciliation, because He wouldn't want any of His children to be at odds. For some reason I am having difficulties with facing all of this, feeling sort of drained, empty, and conflicted. But, again, I haven't been this honest with or so actively seeking God in a long time. Sometimes this is all that keeps me going, and yet it is enough. I never see just how far I've wandered from God until I need Him and realize I have to shout just a little harder. He's always always still there, but a real relationship takes two active members. Sociology has taught me that in a relationship it is the person who is less committed to the relationship (even if slightly, it is never equal) who has the most power. I would say that the Lord is definitely more committed and engaged in our lives than vice versa, and while we do have the choice of whether to engage in that relationship and how much of ourselves to give to it, this seems to be sort of a false sense of power. God isn't going to force us into anything, but still He knows what should happen better than any one of us and His power knows no limits as far as getting us there...including bringing us through trials we thought we could never endure.